Disclaimer: This post is not meant to demean public school teachers or to suggest that families who choose public school are any less than those who decide to home school. I understand some families feel that public school is best for their situation and that some parents simply do not have any other choice available to them. I myself went through public school for my entire education and can pinpoint many good experiences along with the bad. While I don't think public school is a bad thing (and understand that it can be good), I personally believe that there are better options out there and that home schooling is the best of those options.
What's more awkward than a home schooled student? When someone who hears that I am planning on home schooling asks me, "But aren't you worried about socializing your children?"
When someone says that to me, I know immediately that they haven't researched home schooling at all, except maybe what they've heard other people say. Though unfounded, it is a very prevalent myth in our society that home schooled children cannot be socialized as well as kids who attend public school (Stough, Lee, Martin, M. and Medlin, Richard G.).
But what do all those people mean when they use the word socialize? Actually, socialization has a lot of different aspects to it and often, people are thinking of different things when they bring the topic up (Medlin, Richard G.).
Making Friends
When people ask about socialization, most of the time they are asking about the child's social life. People will say things such as, "How will your child make friends if they aren't around other children?"
The truth of the matter is, children will make friends (Chatham-Carpenter, April D. and Hartup, Willard W.; Stevens, Nan). School is a place where they can find those friends, but it isn't the only place.
Children are so involved in things outside of school--sports teams, dance classes, piano lessons, church, etc. Studies have found that home schooled children are actually more involved in their community than children who attend public school (Medlin, Richard G. and Martin, M.), giving them plenty of opportunities to know other children of all different ages. Home schooling is also becoming more popular and with the rise in home school families, groups between those families are being formed (Preiss, Jane S., Chatham-Carpenter, April D., and Martin, M.). They hold play dates, group studies, book clubs, and park days together. The children are able to get to know other people through these groups as well.
Social Exposure
Many people, when expressing concern about socialization, fear that parents are over-sheltering their children by keeping them home (Nola Kartner, Alex). They worry that home schooled children will lack exposure to cultures and ideas outside the child's family life.
The assumption here would be that public schools automatically expose children to other cultures and that they do so in a positive way. It also assumes that parents who home school have no such opportunities to expose their children to other cultures.
Home schoolers have numerous opportunities to create situations through which their children can experience many different cultures, due to their flexible schedules (Medlin, Richard G., Kelly, Anita E., and Martin, M.). Families who home school can choose to take their children to museums, on trips to different states and countries, be involved in community projects with people of different races and religions, and select curriculum that teaches about the entire world (this could include learning about different languages, world religions, or rituals and traditions that are common in other places). While no form of education can cover everything, home schoolers have a unique opportunity to spread their child's education further (Kelly, Anita E. and Martin, M.).
In addressing the concern that children who are home schooled will not encounter ideas contrary to what their parents believe, I would say, good luck to the parent who tries to do that. With all the resources currently available to children (particularly the internet), any child--whether in a public school or at home--can learn about any ideas that they would like. Parents who home school do have the advantage of being there when the child comes across that idea, but no parent can decide what beliefs their child will hold onto (Harris, Judith Rich).
Learning Behaviors
Another aspect of socialization that people might be referring to is teaching the child how to behave so that they can function effectively in the community. Without proper socialization, children cannot grow up and become a functional part of society (Medlin, Richard G.), which is then detrimental to not only the child, but to society as a whole.
In our culture today, many people think that children need to learn these skills in public schools in order to be successful. However, socialization starts as soon as the child is born. Every interaction they have--with their parents, siblings, church teachers, friends, parents' friends, neighbors--socializes them (Stough, Lee and Medlin, Richard G.). When they learn to hold a fork and say "please," when they pick up the mess in their bedroom, when they learn to say hello and goodbye, all these things are socializing them to behave correctly in social situations.
Public schools really haven't been around for very long. Societies (before public schools) socialized children just fine. Somehow, people were able to learn how to communicate with each other and behave in socially acceptable ways. They learned all of this in their own homes (Medlin, Richard G.).
Social Influence
Another aspect of socialization that people are concerned with is social influence. Social influence refers to the idea of teaching children to conform to the norms of society (Medlin, Richard G.). This ability is important to the success of the child and to the larger society.
I want to point out that society is a very flexible idea. It could refer to the people of United States, or just of Utah. It could refer to the society in the LDS church or in a high school or town. Societies have different levels and are made up of subsystems. Each subsystem could consider itself its own society.
Because a family is part of society (all sorts of societies--including the society of its religious group, the society of the state, etc.), it will need to follow--at least to some degree--societal norms in order to be successful. It follows that a family is just as qualified to teach their children the norms of society. By simply taking part in family activities, the child will learn implicitly what the norms of society are and how to follow them (Medlin, Richard G.).
Public schools have very little in their structure that are considered "normal" in our society. Once outside of school, students are very unlikely to encounter a system even similar to public schools. Family life is a much more accurate view of what "real life" is like and is, therefore, much better equipped to teach a child the necessary societal norms (Jackson, Glenda M.).
Conclusion
So are homeschooled children lacking in socialization for being kept out of schools?
No. Studies have consistently showed that home schoolers do just as well, and often better, than those children who attended public schools. This is true both while the child is young (Stough, Lee, Webb, Julie, Martin, M., and Nola Kartner, Alex) and throughout the rest of their life (Ray, Brian D. and Alison, Derek J.; Alison, Patricia A.; Van Pelt, Deani A Neven).
So don't be that person who makes it awkward for parents who home school their children. Before you question the ability of families to properly socialize their children, look into it a little. Trust me, it doesn't take much research to learn what socialization really is and to realize that the problem of socialization isn't actually a problem for most home schoolers.
Readings I found useful and enjoyable on the subject (there's a lot out there!):
Medlin, Richard G. Home Schooling and the Question of Socialization, (2000). Medlin takes numerous studies, analyzes the integrity of each study, and puts the results all together into one conclusion: that home schoolers have no need to worry about their children not being socialized properly simply because they were kept out of public schools.
Stough, Lee. Social and Emotional Status of Home Schooled, (1992). Stough addresses three concerns that educators and parents might have and, through his own research as well as drawing on past research, proves that in those three areas, home schoolers do just as well as (if not better than than) public school children.
Alex, Patrick K. Home Schooling, Socialization, and Creativity in Children, (1994). The results were the same: home schooled children seem to do just fine socially.
Mayberry, Maralee. Conflict and Social Determinism: The Reprivatization of Education, (1991). Mayberry talks about the reasons for home schooling, with what the family deems proper socialization as one of them, but doesn't actually look at how effective the socialization is.
The study Homeschooling Grows Up, commissioned by the HSLDS (Home School Legal Defense Association) in 2003 and Fifteen Years Later in 2009 followed home schoolers as they grew up to see how well they would integrate into society. The results were very positive, with home school graduates coming out ahead in many areas--including involvement in their communities, voting, religious observance, and general satisfaction with life.
Home Schooling and Socialization of Children uses research articles to make an argument in favor of socialization in home schooling. I found the references for this article a helpful start to me in my research.
Homeschool: Socialization vs Socializing is a blog post that discusses the difference between what people say they are questioning and what they actually are questioning and then answers the concern with the author's opinion.
Undoing the Homeschool Socialization Myth is another blog post, where the author shares her own experience with home schooling and shares her thoughts on why socialization is not an issue.
First Wave of Homeschoolers Comes of Age is a Fox News article I ran across while searching for research on the socialization of home schoolers. It isn't a research article, but it does look at several individual cases of home school students who are now grown up, sharing their view on how being home schooled has affected their success in life.
The World's Most Unselfish Act is an article in which a freelance writer shares her thoughts ton why socialization in home schooling is not actually a problem. It also does not cite any scientific evidence, but I enjoyed reading about the reaction of the home school family to the writer's positive interest and loved the logic behind her thinking. She says, "The typical home-school family does not live on 100 acres in Idaho, 30 miles from the nearest patch of civilized life ... Home-schooled kids live in neighborhoods like most other kids do. They play with other children and their siblings just like your average public school drone."
